Sarah: Before and After

Well, here we are again, I’m writing this post from somewhere in the mountains with a chilly nose but a happy soul. It’s so crazy for me to think that it was almost exactly 6 months ago that I was hopping on a plane to the mountains for the very first time. It’s almost like I have this “before” and this “after” timeline of my life where I can look at pictures of me the year leading up to that first trip and I hardly recognize that girl. Her smile was half alive, her eyes were tired and her head in absolute chaos. The girl in the photos since then is more confident, more willing to take risks and my smile is effortlessly plastered on my face.

Bliss

I remember the feeling of absolute freedom on my first solo trip, the ease of going wherever felt right that day. I'd wake up in the morning and study a few maps until I had a sort of plan worked out but knew I would be happy no matter where the day took me. One of my favourite ways to approach life since then is “the greatest adventures will always find themselves.” Some people need schedules and timelines and to know what they’ll be doing each day but the thought of not having the freedom to change my mind whenever I want, or to feel like I’m always checking the clock to keep on schedule is not for me. Only being to Jasper for small snippets of time between previous visits to Alberta, I knew that it was a place I wanted to come and spend more time, check out the endless trails to hike and snowshoe, to skate on a few lakes and to explore Maligne Canyon.

I flew into Edmonton on Wednesday, running some errands, getting groceries and having a visit with a best friend I haven’t seen in years. I knew the drive into Jasper was estimated to be over 4 hours from Edmonton and after a long day of travel would be exhausting. So I booked an AirBnb in Hinton, just under 3 hours from Edmonton and it was probably my best decision. The trans Canada highway from Edmonton to Hinton was icy, snow covered and slow. I passed a bunch of vehicles in ditches and transport trucks struggling to make it up hills before swerving off the road. My knuckles were white, my back hurt from being stressed and clenched and my eyes were getting sleepy. I arrived at the AirBnb after just over 4 hours, taking me more than hour longer than it should have but at least I was safe. The AirBnb was possibly the most charming place I have ever stayed and would recommend it to anyone (feel free to message me if you’ll be passing through that area!) I had bath, wine, popcorn and danced away my stress before having one of the best sleeps of my life. My first full day in the west started off with an hour drive into Jasper, the roads were slightly more maintained but I battled with fog most of my way in. I arrived just after 11, unable to check into my AirBnb until 12, I found a cute little bakery where I indulged in a massive cinnamon bun and some more caffeine and decided on a snowshoe trail for the afternoon. In a hurry to get on with my day I pretty much threw everything in the door of my little suite and packed a bag ready for an adventure.

Bear Paw Bakery. Cinnamon Bun and Caramel Machiatto

The Valley of Five Lakes was a trail system I had passed in the summer but never had time to stop and explore so it felt fitting that I tackle it first this time around. I was the only car in the parking lot, strapped on my snowshoes and away I went. For anyone that knows me, you know that I am a diehard Merrell hiking boot fan, my loyalty runs deep and when looking for insulated hiking boots for this trip they were the obvious choice. Except they’re sold out of everything, everywhere. I settled on a pair of Keens, insulated to -20 and had worn them around the house a few times figuring they would do the trick. I was very, very wrong. Less than 2km into my snowshoe adventure and I had blisters, thankfully prepared, I took the time to put some duck tape across my heels and carried on. The only bright side of these boots so far is that they definitely are waterproof and keep my feet very warm.

Taking a foot break

This hike was absolutely stunning. A moderately difficult, 5km loop that passes by 5 different lakes, through some wooded areas and back to the car. There are varying lengths of loops to choose from and the trail system is incredibly well marked. I had the entire trail to myself, not seeing another person the entire time. But one of my favourite memories happened today... As I came to Lake Four, my breath was stolen from me. Of all the adventures I have been on since my Dads death, I have never felt his presence like I did in this moment. I had been feeling frustrated that with everything I had been experiencing, I hadn’t felt him more close, watching over me, and maybe if you haven’t lost a parent, this might sound strange. But as healing progresses, the grief is different, ever changing. I was never necessarily angry about his death but angry about circumstances surrounding it. I was angry he was young and angry that my sister didn’t get to have her Dad walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. But in the last 6 months I’ve been angry and frustrated that he hasn’t been more present for me in my big moments, the mountain summits, the solo adventures, the mundane minutes passing me by in ordinary life. But he showed up for me today, in a big way. The sun was shining just right behind the mountains, the weather was perfect and I felt him surrounding me. And I cried. I laughed too, telling him it was about time and could just picture his clueless expression not even realizing how badly I had been needing him. Classic Dad, always surprised how much of an impact he had on us and so unaware about how much of our strength he was, even until the day he died.

Check out the orb in the clouds (middle right)

The orb on the lake (mid bottom)

A little bit past this lake there sat some red chairs overlooking the third lake, I grabbed my jetboil, made some hot apple cider and took it all in. I alloed myself be absorbed by my surroundings, my emotions, my sheer will to make the best of everything put in my way. And I healed a little bit more.

Healing

For anyone that's been following me, you’ll know that my one “must do” for myself the first time around was to go out to eat, in a restaurant, alone. Due to the fact that I was happy as could be in my campervan with my camp food and incredible views, it never happened. So tonight I made it happen. I walked into Jasper Brewing Co and immediately panicked. I’m not one to have anxiety and I don’t consider myself an anxious person but when I was told I could sit anywhere, I belined for the bar without even bothering to look around. All eyes in the place were staring at me (no they weren’t) and the room was shrinking (no it wasn’t.) I ordered a beer and nervously sipped while perusing the menu. WAY out of my comfort zone, it took me an hour to settle in. I had finished my food and could have very easily sprinted back to my AirBnb with all the anxious energy running through me but I gave myself a pep talk that I was here, I was doing it, there is growth in being uncomfortable and so I stayed. I ordered another beer and did not die of social awkwardness, anxiety or embarrassment.

Jasper Brew Co Beer and Pesto Pasta with chicken, goat cheese and pumpkin seeds

I can’t wait to spend a few more days pushing myself past my limits, exploring the mountains and falling even more in love with life along the way. Have you been to Jasper? What are some of your favourite activities to do here? Places to eat? I’d love to hear from you.